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Thursday, 3 August 2017

Absolute Reality...


This blog was going to head off into a completely different direction... with some stats and kit list/review... but that is being left to part 2 of this blog which will pitch up next week at some point.

Instead I'm going to let you in on the post challenge world... assimilation back into Absolute Reality... or not as the case may be.

I arrived back having been up a long time... had a long sleepless flight... arrived back to a cold grey London Heathrow in a state of sleep deprived unreality.

A visit to the parents to prove I was alive and then home. And so began a week of sofa surfing.

It was more than that though... I had been overcome with a general can't be arsedness and my body was slumped ... my get up and go had well and truly got up and gone.
My sleep patterns were well and truly screwed up. I was wide awake at 3am and dozing lifeless on my sofa at 3pm. I couldn't be bothered to unpack my bike... wash my kit..... talk to anybody...
You get the picture..
I was ruined...
No energy...
Wanting to curl up...

But why...
Aside from the sleep deprivation and general energy overexpenditure...
Was my body and brain just rebelling ...
But it felt more than that.
And here is the thing.... I felt devoid of purpose...
Totally rootless... aimless... devoid
Maybe just devoid..

Absolute Reality
Is this the life I dreamed of...

Maybe this is why I end up planning a new venture even before I'm finished with the old...
It's addictive ... the open road life....
Space ... freedom... solitude.. fresh clean air... and a purpose to every day... a goal to achieve everyday... hurdles and challenges to overcome everyday...

Which makes it difficult when reality returns.... especially a not quite reality... one in limbo... not back at work... but back to normal life...

I'm sure the fact that I had pushed my body to limits day after day was a factor...now that I had a chance to rest.. my body had said 'thank fcuk for that' and done just that but without consideration of the new time zone I had returned to.

Adding to the detached feeling is the fact that it is IMPOSSIBLE to explain to others who ask how my soul feels now that it is back in reality... it's missing something intangible... like when I breathe and the air feels different ....

Yes there is pain and suffering and exhaustion so great you feel like you can't move one inch further... but it enhances by juxtaposition the breathtaking beauty and isolationism of such an undertaking...
I miss that...

And then .. back to work...
Getting up in the morning was a bigger challenge than the Re-route! And cycling to work... on a bike unencumbered with bags... a light fast roadbike... .
Back on a bike and it felt good... legs felt good... breathing the (rain filled) air... battling the headwind...
I was in a bike heaven haze all the way to work...
And then hit the ground running... still feeling slightly dreamlike but gradually fazing into real- like... a bit like a cross fade transition between scenes in a movie ...only I feel a bit bit stuck half way through the cross-fade...

Cycle home... wind and rain as is typical of British Summertime...
It became a challenge... how fast could I go... head down... just hearing my breathing... legs turning... the rythmn of the road returning ... smelling the fresh rain soaked earth...
...The dream returning... is this the life I dreamed of...
 or the hope I hoped for....
...the mind wanders to  new dreams as the black tarmac disappears under my wheels...

and whilst my dreams may feel blown around like plastic carrier bags.. one thing is certain...

One adventure has to end before the next one can begin
...
And one only has to peek around the next bend in the road to glimpse the possibilities that can await for those who dare to dream...

Meanwhile... whilst I peek around the next bend... I must complete the cross fade back into Absolute Reality for a while... which is easier said than done and takes time.

In a few weeks I will wake up without that longing to feel the breath tearing at my throat and the pain hitting my side...
I will have stopped comparing my 14 mile commute with an ever constant noise of cars rushing by, with the fresh breeze and the noise of the birds singing in the trees...

I will have cross-faded....
Absolute reality...

The scent of pine pervading my senses...
 just a memory

Reaching for the plastic carrier bag....